Another one down

I turned down a job offer yesterday.

This is the second one since Meridian closed suddenly in August and I found myself unemployed and my kids without a school. The first was a nursing job that I was seriously considering and even took steps towards, but then my mom passed away and when I came back from Arizona, the job just didn't seem like the right thing to do.

I am at home....which causes mouths to gape open in disbelief when I explain that's what I'm doing now. Maybe it's the frenetic, whirlwind pace I kept working fulltime at Meridian the last 6 years that explains the reaction. Or the passion with which I worked. I was so committed to Meridian and the things I (and all of us) were doing there that maybe people thought it was the job.

It was really about my kids. I would do whatever it takes to help my kids, and my kids needed Meridian and that meant I needed to work, so I learned the skills I needed to learn and did the things that needed to be done so that my kids could be there. And it was wonderful.

But now my kids need me at home. They need me to drive them to school in the morning and pick them up after. They need me to volunteer as the reading group leader and play the flute in the Christmas program and do the girls' hair for the ballroom dance concert and cheer at every basketball game. And I want to be there.

When I got home, I told David about the experience. I said, "What I am is a professional mom. My family is what I'm passionate about and where I want to invest my time and talents and energy. And I only have 10 more years to raise my kids and I don't want to miss anything."

He totally understood and supported me. (Bless him!)

So I'm home. And completely happy.

A Worker Bee

When people ask me to describe myself, I say that I am a worker bee.

I get the greatest fulfillment from jumping into a task and working like a drone until it is finished. And thanks to the genetics from my Grandpa Gresko, I can work and work and work and work. When my parents lived with us, my dad and I took on the task of renovating the house and yard. My dad, who is a great worker, told me, "You can out-work me, Kris. I don't know how you keep at it for so long."

When I was in high school, I connected with the scripture in 2 Nephi that talks about "being an instrument in the hands of God." That's what I want to be, an instrument.

This morning, a friend sent me this poem and said it reminded her of me.

TO BE OF USE by Marge Piercy

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

That is what I ask. Let me be of use.

Clean

I am at home at 1:30 on a school day.

This is weird for me because for the last six years I have worked full-time at my kid's school. But Alissa was sick, and I had no meetings, and I said, "I'll stay home with you, Alissa." Then I did all the things that I have a hard time getting done since I started working full-time, like the laundry, and the dishes, and the vacuuming. I even cleaned up the mud room AND my husband's office. Surprise, surprise, there really are floors in those rooms.

It is so nice to sit in my clean house. I wonder if my kids miss the "stay-at-home" me? There have been so many perks to working at my kids school, but the downside is that my house, which I kept immaculately clean before I started working, most of the time looks like Dorothy's in Kansas after the tornado swept through.

So today, I will enjoy the clean...and go to work tomorrow.