Finding Family on Facebook

In October of 2010, I got the idea to make a list of all the descendants of my great-grandparents Michael and Xenia Greshko. These are the folks who immigrated to the U.S. around 1902 from Galicia, Austria and settled in Pennsylvania. They had 10 children, my grandpa Bill Gresko was their 7th, and I'd always been vastly curious about them and the whole family.

All genealogists say to "start with what you know," so I began by laying out the family tree with the 10 kids and their spouses. Then I wrote down my own aunts and uncles and cousins since I am in contact with most of them. That was a pretty big group! My grandpa's descendants have been very proliferative. I also knew the daughter of my grandpa's sister (Joyce), so I got her address from my cousin, looked up her phone # with the online directory, and gave her a call. She was a delight, making me laugh with stories of her life in New Jersey. She was able to give me the info on her own family, that two of the Greshko siblings had not had any children, and the address of another of my grandpa's sister's sons. I sent this cousin a letter.

Lacking the patience to sit and wait, I began randomly searching names of relatives on Google, Dex directory, and of course, Facebook. My first success came with my cousin Andy Greshko. Somewhere in my mind, I'd stored that my first cousin, Michelle, had met one of our Greshko relations when she lived in Georgia. I even remembered that her name was Cheryl, so I began searching for "Cheryl Gresko or Greshko" on Facebook. I found a Cherie Greshko living in Georgia and sent her a message asking if she could be related. I also checked her friend list and saw that she was friends with an Andy Greshko, which is the name of the youngest Greshko child. I sent him a friend request, too.

Andy was the first to respond with this message: "Howdy from your Eastern cousins!"

Cherie quickly jumped on once she saw Andy and I were friends and I had a joyous couple of days sharing info back and forth. Their dad died very young and they didn't know much about the rest of the family, so they were eager to learn more. It was especially fun to me to learn that Andy has a daughter who looks exactly like our Aunt Alice! I told them about my search and they filled me in on their immediate family and were able to give some clues about others.

My next success came with an email from the cousin I'd sent the letter to: Jason Carriere. Jason told me he'd "google searched" me after receiving my letter and learned all about me from my blog! He and his wife were willing to get to know the rest of the family and to help with my quest. I asked them if they were on Facebook (they were) and they quickly accepted my friend requests. It was wonderful to see pictures of their kids and to learn their likes and interests so easily. I encouraged them to take a look at my profile, too. Jason was able to help me locate his only other Greshko first cousin (on Myspace) and to fill in the rest of his family. He and his wife are funny and smart and have two beautiful kids and we're all hoping to meet in person soon!

By this time, December was quickly approaching and I was preparing my Christmas cards. I also started making the descendancy list document that I hoped to send to everyone. I "friend requested" all of the cousins and sent messages asking for their mailing address. Everyone responded - it was amazing!

It was now the first week of December, and I had found all the family except for that of my grandpa's older brother Pete. I had the names and birthdays of his 5 children. The only lead I had was a letter from his daughter Carol to my grandparents written 12 years earlier which located her in Bullhead City, AZ. I sent a letter to the address on the envelope, but ...nothing. I contacted my dad's sister, Myrna, who is also a genealogist, and she told me that Carol was near her daughter and her kids in Apache Junction, AZ. Repeatedly searched sites all over the internet, again, with no luck.

One day on Facebook, I was randomly searching for the 5 names of the kids (again) when I found a "Peter Michael Gresko" whose age matched the age of the son. I sent him a friend request explaining who I was and asking if we were related. He also had a "Carol Gresko" among his friends, so I sent her a message, too. After two anxious days of waiting, Pete accepted my friend request. Once he did, Carol quickly responded and sent me a message. "I saw that you are friends with my brother Pete and that you have Gresko in your name. Are we related?" "YES! I think we are!" I replied.

Over the next few days with Carol's help, I was filled in on a whole line of family that I had known nothing about: 30+ descendants. Many of them were on Facebook and quickly accepted my friend requests. I finished the descendancy chart, printed it out, and sent it along with my own Christmas letter to 33 Greshko families. Over the last month, I have received Christmas cards back from many of these relations, often with a note thanking me for the chart and for finding them. I was tickled to receive a photo of my cousin Jason and his family and to see that he has the same dark, curly Gresko hair that my dad and Grandpa have! Several of the families have twins (which runs in the family) and so many of the boys have the classic Gresko "look" - very handsome men!

Thinking back on this whole process, it is just amazing to realize how quickly I found everyone, especially in genealogy timelines. In less than two months, I found over 50 people that I had known nothing about and was able to contact them and receive replies back. I've seen pictures of them, learned about their interests and families, and been able to establish a connection that I plan to nurture in the coming years. I am so grateful for the men in the family who were the first to respond to my friend requests, and the women who saw those friendships and quickly jumped on board to give information. How blessed I have been by this whole experience!

I spent Christmas with my dad and while we were there, I signed him up for Facebook. "It was the men who responded first, Dad. You've got to be on there so that we can find our family."

He happily agreed.

In Memory of the Provo Tabernacle

Early on the morning of my 40th birthday, the Provo Tabernacle caught fire. The irony of it was that just shortly after learning this, I received a cello for my birthday -- a wish that first began in the Provo Tabernacle.

Over a decade ago, I was sitting in the Tabernacle listening to a concert by the Utah Valley Orchestra. There was a flier advertising an orchestra for people over 40. You had to be new at your instrument and you had to be over 40. I thought how much I wanted to learn to play the cello, but I was in the midst of having kids and raising a young family and so I decided, "When I turn 40, I am going to learn to play the cello and join this orchestra." In the years since, I have held onto that goal, and as my 40th approached, I made it very clear that for this birthday, I wanted a cello. In my mind, I could see myself on the raised platform in the Provo Tabernacle playing with the orchestra.

So it was the ultimate irony to receive that long-awaited cello at the same moment that the source of that dream was going up in flames. This year of 2010 seems determined to demonstrate the law of opposition for me. Did you know that my mom passed away on my 20th wedding anniversary?

The Tabernacle has been a place of important happenings for me: the aforementioned orchestra concert, our family's first Meridian Vespers Christmas performance, multiple stake conferences, a Messiah Sing-along, and most recently, my son's high school graduation. It was a place where significant things happened: events that celebrated accomplishments and evoked the Spirit of God and caused me to pause in the daily grind of life to celebrate that which is better. I was able to play the organ in the Tabernacle; an intimidating yet heady experience.

I think it is appropriate that last night at the memorial concert for the Tabernacle that I could not stop the tears from flowing. It may have been just a building, but it was also the place of some of my most tender memories. I will mourn its loss and rejoice in the experiences there that meant so much to me.

Read the story of the concert last night

The Forgotten Carols

We went to see Michael McLean's "Forgotten Carols" last weekend. It has been probably 18 years since David and I saw it as a young married couple. I remember we loved it, but that doesn't come close to describing the experience we had on Saturday. It might be that we are a little older, that we have experienced more of life and love and loss. From the first song, I was completely immersed in the Spirit of the Lord. It was confirmed overand over to me...Jesus Christ is real, His story is true. He loves you, believe in Him, follow Him, serve Him.

Our daughters were enthralled, and have been listening to the songs on the CD over and over since. If you haven't seen it, go. Do whatever you have to to have this experience.

Merry Christmas!

Another one down

I turned down a job offer yesterday.

This is the second one since Meridian closed suddenly in August and I found myself unemployed and my kids without a school. The first was a nursing job that I was seriously considering and even took steps towards, but then my mom passed away and when I came back from Arizona, the job just didn't seem like the right thing to do.

I am at home....which causes mouths to gape open in disbelief when I explain that's what I'm doing now. Maybe it's the frenetic, whirlwind pace I kept working fulltime at Meridian the last 6 years that explains the reaction. Or the passion with which I worked. I was so committed to Meridian and the things I (and all of us) were doing there that maybe people thought it was the job.

It was really about my kids. I would do whatever it takes to help my kids, and my kids needed Meridian and that meant I needed to work, so I learned the skills I needed to learn and did the things that needed to be done so that my kids could be there. And it was wonderful.

But now my kids need me at home. They need me to drive them to school in the morning and pick them up after. They need me to volunteer as the reading group leader and play the flute in the Christmas program and do the girls' hair for the ballroom dance concert and cheer at every basketball game. And I want to be there.

When I got home, I told David about the experience. I said, "What I am is a professional mom. My family is what I'm passionate about and where I want to invest my time and talents and energy. And I only have 10 more years to raise my kids and I don't want to miss anything."

He totally understood and supported me. (Bless him!)

So I'm home. And completely happy.

Ticket Update

So...I made the trade.

My good husband offered to take daughter #4 on a Daddy/Daughter date while the other three and I attended the MoTab/David Archuleta concert.

As he put it, "I think I would have more fun going on a date with my daughter than listening to David Archuleta sing." That sealed it and I made the trade. My tickets are now on their way to Kaysville & the new tickets will be arriving at my house on Sunday.

Thanks for your advice!

The Saga of the MoTab/David Archuleta Tickets

I was one of the millions of people who did NOT receive tickets to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir with David Archuleta Christmas Concert. I was pretty disappointed, so you can imagine my delight when a few days after the announcement, I received a card from my sister wishing me a happy birthday (my birthday is Dec. 17) and containing 4 tickets to the concert!

Enter the problem: the tickets were for Dec. 16 and daughter #2 has her ballroom dance concert that night. What to do? Maybe I could trade for another night? I posted my dilemma on Facebook and offered to trade my 4 tickets for another night. No takers.

Not ready to give up, I posed the same offer to the sisters in my ward during Relief Society. MANY were willing to take the tickets off my hands, but no one had received any themselves. One person suggested I try posting my trade on ksl.com - so I did.

By this time, daughter #1 had made the basketball team and had a game on Dec. 17, husband had meetings Dec. 19 morning, so my only available trade night was Dec. 18. I put that stipulation in my offer (Thursday for Saturday) but received only offers for Friday, Sunday morning & of course, "we'd be happy to use those tickets in your place." I also noticed quite a few offers to buy the tickets, but was focused on the trade.

Two weeks passed without success and I was beginning to contemplate other options: 1) skip daughter #2's concert & take some of my family on Thursday, 2) skip daughter #1's game & take some of family on Friday, 3) skip church & leave husband & one daughter at home and go to Sunday morning's concert, 4) sell? This was a bit of a dilemma for me because the tickets were free to begin with and it seemed a little off to get money for them. However, the tickets were also my birthday gift, and if I sold them, I could use the money to buy tickets to a different performance for my whole family. I really want to go to a performance and I really want all my kids & husband to come.

Yesterday, I received another offer from someone to take my tickets if I couldn't find a trade. I replied and asked if they would be willing to pay for the tickets. They replied back, " No thanks. You got the tickets for free and are not meant to be sold." I was a little miffed - it is no fun to be scolded, especially not by a stranger. I then checked KSL and Hurray! found a trade for Saturday. Within moments, I also got an email from someone offering $25/ticket.

Dilemma: do I make the trade and take 4 of my family on Saturday (leaving 2 at home)? or do I sell the tickets and go to a different show with everyone?